Why I Will Make Wedding Vows

Why I will make wedding vows

I believe that vows are powerful; more powerful than a contract, more powerful than a ritual.

Vows bind your soul to something, some event, someone. The Apostle James compared the tongue to the rudder of a ship. It is a relatively small part, but guides the whole vessel. In the same way, the words we say - the vows we make - direct the course of our lives.

When my fiance Connor was a child in elementary school, he offended a younger classmate without knowing it. That classmate vowed to kill him and started learning martial arts. Thankfully, the school counselor found out about it and brought them together. Connor apologized for whatever he did to make the other boy so angry and I guess that solved the problem. What if the counselor had not intervened? I don’t know if Connor would have died (how much karate can an elementary student learn?) but I do think that the other boy would have been bound to violence for the rest of his life because of his vow.

On November 20th I will vow myself to Connor to live as his wife until death separates us. Not only that, but I will vow to treat him with love, honor and respect. I will bind my soul to him in a way that will forever change the course of my life, and if that vow is ever broken, it will be more than a breach of contract. It will be a breach of soul.

Breach: noun

1. the act or a result of breaking; break or rupture

2. an infraction or violation, as of a law, trust, faith, or promise

3. a gap made in a wall, fortification, line of soldiers, etc; rift; fissure

This is why marriage is scary.

It’s also scary because I will actually make vows that I know I can only fulfill with God’s help. Will I always treat Connor with respect? Will I only say things that honor and encourage him? Will I be loving toward him at all times for the rest of my life? I can’t say “yes.” I know myself better than that.

But, the vow that I make will set the course of my life toward that goal. The expression of God’s character and plan in my life will become intertwined with it. I can’t say that there won’t be terrible storms, doldrums, and other unforeseen difficulties, but nevertheless, the course will be set.

Why vows before God are necessary for a pure relationship

Years ago I told God that if He wanted my life, He could have it, because I didn’t really want it anymore. He took me up on my offer, and with those words a most magnificent course was set with a new Captain in charge, and I became His vessel.

As God’s possession, I don’t have the right to give myself to someone until vows have been made. In giving my body, I give my soul, and to give my soul I will state my vows.  I will make vows to God of how I’ll treat Connor, because Connor is God’s possession. I don’t have rights to him until I’ve vowed to God that I’ll treat him in a way that will honor him as God’s cherished possession and Connor agrees with it. Likewise, Connor doesn’t have rights to me until he has vowed to God that he’ll treat me in a way that honors me as God’s cherished possession and I agree with it.

Why I will make these vows publicly

It’s important as members of the community and representatives of Christ that we make this a public confession. This is for the community as much as it is for Connor and I. 

It’s for the community because there are people that love me and want to know that I’ll be loved and cared for. I have deep relationships with family and friends. We have stories together. Our lives have been impacted by one another. We’ve watched out for each other. How would it impact them now if I cut them out of the second most important decision of my life? (The first most important was the decision to follow Jesus). It could mean a break in friendship. I want the community that we’re in to be able to confidently welcome our union and through that union to see an expression of Jesus’ love.

It’s for Connor and I because I value the input and prayers of the people that love us and agree with our vows and our commitment to following Jesus. As an American woman I like to think that I’m strong and independent and I don’t need anyone’s approval or support. But, the fact is, I do. Like I said before, I’m preparing to make vows that I’m not able to fulfill without God’s help, and I know from personal experience that many times His help and instruction come through His people. A loving community of prayerful people is a powerful gift from God and I need it!

As I consider what marriage really means to me - specifically, what the wedding means to me - I don't think about the dress, how I'll wear my hair, what songs will be used, what flowers I'll hold, and how I'll look in photographs. I think about seeing Connor at the end of the aisle and about holding his hands. I think about what it will be like to look in his face and promise myself to him. I think about the sweet presence of God. I think about the moment when the preacher finally says "You may kiss the bride." (Right now I'm thinking about how reading this might embarrass some of my friends). And I think about celebrating with people that I love.